Tomorrow.

Yesterday.

"You shall not go out with haste,...for the Lord will go before you, and the God of Israel will be your rear guard."  -Isaiah 52:12

Security from Yesterday. “. . . God requires an account of what is past” (Ecclesiastes 3:15). At the end of the year we turn with eagerness to all that God has for the future, and yet anxiety is apt to arise when we remember our yesterdays. Our present enjoyment of God’s grace tends to be lessened by the memory of yesterday’s sins and blunders. But God is the God of our yesterdays, and He allows the memory of them to turn the past into a ministry of spiritual growth for our future. God reminds us of the past to protect us from a very shallow security in the present.

Security for Tomorrow. “. . . the Lord will go before you . . . .” This is a gracious revelation— that God will send His forces out where we have failed to do so. He will keep watch so that we will not be tripped up again by the same failures, as would undoubtedly happen if He were not our “rear guard.” And God’s hand reaches back to the past, settling all the claims against our conscience.

Security for Today. “You shall not go out with haste . . . .” As we go forth into the coming year, let it not be in the haste of impetuous, forgetful delight, nor with the quickness of impulsive thoughtlessness. But let us go out with the patient power of knowing that the God of Israel will go before us. Our yesterdays hold broken and irreversible things for us. It is true that we have lost opportunities that will never return, but God can transform this destructive anxiety into a constructive thoughtfulness for the future. Let the past rest, but let it rest in the sweet embrace of Christ.

Leave the broken, irreversible past in His hands, and step out into the invincible future with Him.

-Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest - December 31st

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I read this from My Utmost for His Highest this morning and figured it would be an appropriate thing to share as we end one year and start the next.  Let God be your security from yesterday, for tomorrow, and for today and dive into 2012 with God, trusting completely in His power and His goodness.  Go do great things for God, with God.  

And have a happy new year, friends! 

2011.

Shall we take a look back on 2011?  Yes, yes we shall. 

I went on an epic road trip to Oregon with some of my best friends:

I was BAPTIZED:

I started nannying a fantastic five year-old child:

I went to a few Twins games:

I went to Wisconsin too many times:

I was able to go back to Camp Joy:

I went to the Minnesota State Fair for the first time:

I went to an apple orchard for the first time (and touched a goat for the first time!):

This was a good year.  In addition to the things mentioned above, I played softball for my church league this summer, my aunt and uncle blessed me with a place to live this summer, I began TAing for Human Physiology, I shadowed a bunch of physicians, I went to Hope Spring Retreat and Slumber Party, I started volunteering in the emergency department of HCMC, I baked a whole bunch of things, I learned how to play disc golf (stretch), and other things that I have failed to document.

This time next year, I will be done taking the MCAT and applying for medical school, I will be waiting for interviews, and nearly done with my undergraduate degree.  

In 2012, I hope to give more and take less, volunteer more, read more, pray more, and try a bunch of new things. 

Mountains.

A friend gave me the book Mountains Beyond Mountains for Christmas and it captivated me.  It tells of an infectious disease doctor, Paul Farmer, who spends the majority of his time in Haiti fighting against all odds to provide basic health care to thousands of underserved people.  He also spends his time traveling the globe helping others to achieve the same goal that he set out with – curing infectious disease and bringing modern medicine to the ends of the earth.  Farmer’s whole story is amazing – from graduating with both an MD and PhD from Harvard while concurrently serving in Haiti to forming Partners in Health before he turned thirty.  But the two things that amaze me the most about Farmer are his humility and his deep love for all people.  For a man whose list of accomplishments is longer than I can imagine, he only sees what he has left to do, the people he has left to treat, and the problems he has left to solve – there are mountains beyond mountains.  His whole life is about others.  When Farmer looks at his patients, he sees an individual and their illness not their ability to pay or their social class.  His heart breaks so deeply for those who have nothing and need everything that he sacrifices so much of himself.  He is everything a physician should be but, above all else, he is compassionate and empathetic.

He is the kind of physician I want to be.

“The only real nation is humanity.” –Paul Farmer

Consider me inspired – just what I needed.

Excuses.

This morning I used my sister's science fair Christmas party as an excuse to make these cupcakes with my friend Lindsey and my sister.  

They are chocolate chip cupcakes filled with cookie dough topped with a chocolate chip cookie.  Over the top?  Most definitely.  Have I eaten a whole one?  No, but I have heard that they are delicious.  I will let the masses be the judge.

Today is also my first day of winter break MCAT studying.

Tension.

I had dinner tonight with a friend from high school and it was fantastic.

We briefly joked about the silly things we did when we were younger like "ding-dong-ditching" or making a band.  But the majority of our conversation was about what God has been doing in our lives, our churches, our purposes, the beauty of the cross, and Jesus.  

One of the main parts of the conversation was focused on sin in our lives and how to defeat it.

To me, this is what it boils down to - there is a tension.

Everyday we face a tension between surrendering to the flesh, ourselves and our worldly desires, or surrendering to God.  Do we choose to worship the man-made gods that consume our lives, be it school, work, success, approval, etc.?  Or do we constantly worship the only One ever worthy of all praise?  Do we let our desires reign in our lives and find satisfaction in fleeting things?  Or do we find all that we need in God who will always satisfy?  

It is a daily battle to defeat sin in your life, to serve God and not man.  

It is a constant tension.

[For I do not understand my own actions.  For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.  Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good.  So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me.  For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh.  For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out.  For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want to is what I keep on doing.  Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me.  So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand.  For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members.  Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?  Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! -Romans 8:15-25]

I am constantly reminded of this passage; Paul is laying out the struggle of the flesh in us and power that sin can have in our lives.  I am struck by this - "For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out."  I feel that.  I, alone, am powerless to the desires of my flesh, to the things of this world.  We need something more, something greater than ourselves.  We need to surrender.  He continues in chapter 8 - "You, however, are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if in fact the Spirit of God dwells in you.  But if Christ is in you, although the body is dead because of sin, the Spirit is life because of righteousness.  For if you live according to the flesh you will die, but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live. v. 9-10, 13"  

We cannot defeat sin; it is the Spirit in us that sets us free and gives us life.  Death is the inevitable outcome of the sin intertwined in all that we are - but, the beauty of Christ is the life that He gives.   

Obsessed.

So, it's official...cooking and baking are my latest obsessions.  

And this proves that, clearly. 

I figure that it is something fun to do when I am stressed and need a break, and it makes people happy.  So, I'm happy and the world is happy - perfect.  

And here is a cheesy picture of my new apron:

Don't judge :) 

Christmas.

As my family gathered in the living room this morning, I couldn't help but look around at my them and smile when I think about the people I have grown with.  And then I realized that Christmas is not what it used to be.  There used to be crazy anticipation the night before and then Josh and Alex would wake us up at six in the morning because our presents were waiting.  We used to play all day, like the one Christmas when we played hockey matches in our very small upstairs hallway or drove the big red car throughout the living room and the kitchen or when I made crazy concoctions with my Easy Bake Oven.  Christmases were more about the stuff and less about the people, but I think as we have matured, we have realized what we have with each other is far more important than any material thing.  

But, it is clear that there is something missing.  When my brother passed away, a part of each of us left with him.  Christmas will never be the same - our lives will never be the same.  Alex was something amazing; he was not perfect, but he was perfectly Alex.  And his life has inspired so much of what I have done and who I have become.  But as much as the loss of my brother hurts, Christmas is so beautiful because it is about the birth of a Savior who came to defeat death - death that we deserve because of the sin in our lives.  We have life because God sent His Son for us.  Praise the Lord for the gift of His Son, His life, death, and resurrection - and the gift of family, friends, health, and safety.  God is so good and we have much to be thankful for!

Merry Christmas, friends!  

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Alex missed a North Dakota Christmas one year as he was traveling throughout Australia, Fiji, New Zealand, and Thailand.  A photo from that trip..

..oh, Alex.. :) 

Light.

If you asked my roommate for something I say all the time, she would probably say, "We were not meant for this world" or "We live in such a fallen world."  I rant about it all of the time.  Because it is completely true.  Sometimes when I look around, all I can see is darkness.  This world is full of corruption and hatred and loneliness and despair.  Everything around me constantly confirms that we were not meant for this world.  And that is why I am beyond thankful that God sent His Son into this darkness to save us.  This holiday is so much bigger than us - it is about celebrating the birth of our Savior, the light of the world.  It is about proclaiming everyday that our Savior has come.  It is about responding to the gifts that God has given.  It is about giving a little more and taking a little less.  It is not about us. 

God gave us the ultimate gift of love, His perfect Son, to pay my sin debt and save the world.  This Christmas season, I celebrate that.  

[For to us a child is born, 

   to us a son is given, 

   and the government will be on his shoulders. 

And he will be called 

   Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, 

   Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.  -Isaiah 9:6]

The older boys when they were little boys. 

Dinosaurs.

I may have made an impulsive and slightly unnecessary purchase last week while taking a five minute break from my studies...

...but how can you look at a shirt with this on it and not laugh and then buy it because they were having a holiday sale?  

Also, we live in a messed up world.

Tomorrow, I will extrapolate - tonight, I will not. 

Cheer.

Well, friends, I am home.  And I am so excited.

There's something about leaving the city and getting away to my middle-of-nowhere small town that feels right.  Life is simpler here, the world is quieter, and the bright lights in the sky are stars and not airplanes.  

And because I have been in school mode for so long, my participation in Christmas activities has been put on hold...but today I played a little catch up and took advantage of my parents' kitchen:

And tomorrow I will decorate Christmas cookies and (start) finish my Christmas shopping.  

Now, I am going to read a book that is not for school and get to bed before midnight.

Middle.

As a college student, sometimes I feel like I am in an in between kind of place.  Almost as if my life is on pause until "real life" happens.  Of course, this is necessary - I need to be in college to get to where I am supposed to be and become who I am supposed to be.  Right now, however, I feel a little restless; I want to do something, I want to make an impact on the world, I want to help people, I want to serve.  But I feel like I can't, because I do not have the skills to do everything that I want to do one day.  I can't see patients or diagnose or give medical advice.  I just can't.  

But, the reason that I want to do any of those things is because God has called me to serve Him and use my talents for Him.  I have been called to serve.  I have been called to share the gospel and to make Christ known - to love like Him, to live like Him - in response to His love and power and majesty. 

And I can do that - all of the time - in my classes, when I volunteer, when I am with friends or strangers.  In the little things and the big things.  In the mountains and the valleys.  In all things, I will serve.  

Although I won't have a career for many, many years, my life's purpose is in Christ and Him alone - not in an occupation.  God will use me and my occupation to do great things for Him, but it is not my occupation or myself that will make it great.  It is God.

So, I wait here in the middle ground - serving my Maker in all things, not because I have to but because I get to. 

[Make me to know your ways, O Lord; teach me your paths.  Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all the day long.

He leads the humble in what is right, and teaches the humble his way.

All the paths of the Lord are steadfast love and faithfulness, for those who keep his covenant and his testimonies.

The friendship of the Lord is for those who fear him, and he makes known to them his covenant. -Psalm 25:4-5, 9-10, 14]

Haiku.

Some sing in shower

Some plan their activities

I write you haiku

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Physics, by Rebecca Asp

Einstein predicted

Galileo encountered

Newton discovered

Rebecca struggled

To study for her exam

She wanted to sleep

Winter break is near

Physics is fascinating

But I am tired

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I should be studying for my last exam of the semester tomorrow, but this is what I decided to do instead.  I try  not to excessively post crazy things, but it's that finals time of year where sleep is rare and caffeine is constant.  But by this time tomorrow, I will be done for a few weeks!   

[Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. -1 Thessalonians 5:16-18]

Spectacles.

I have to clear the air on a recurring issue.

This is a picture of me wearing glasses.  They are real glasses.  And I use them to see.  They are not fake.

Phew, I'm glad that's over with.

You should also note that this is a picture of me touching a goat for the first time.  He was a friendly goat and I would even argue that he liked me.  He was, however, a little bashful and camera shy.  Oh, and this is a real goat.

Happy Monday, friends! 

Blessed.

Sometimes I forget how blessed I am...and then there weekends like this one where I am reminded again.

This weekend was not monumental by any means, nor did anything significant happen, but looking back on it, it feels good.  I have been studying biochemistry all weekend for my final tomorrow; biochemistry has been a humbling experience, which I needed, so I have been putting a lot of time and effort into this exam.  But, I have taken a few breaks from all the chemistry to calm down and relax.  So, let me tell you how the Lord has shown me how blessed I am in a few opportunities from this weekend...

1)  My parents.   If I'm going to be honest, I am stressed out frequently - almost to the point where I need it to function.  But, this semester has found me in the most stressed out I have been.  I am committed to a lot of things, but I want/feel called to do them all - so there is a tension there.  In the end, it boils down to me needing to be a little less self-sufficient and a lot more dependent on God, relying on the strength He provides.  The Lord has also provided me with some great parents, who are always there when I need them.  I can't tell you how many times I have called them in moments of stress and fatigue and doubt, but they have this way of calming me down.  They listen when I cry and encourage me all the time.  They aren't perfect, but they are mine and I need them.  And this weekend, I needed them.

2)  Sunday school.  I know I say this frequently, but I love kids.  They are so amazing - especially the kids that I have in my Sunday school class.  I don't know if I can fully express to you what joy I find in teaching Sunday school.  They are creative, imaginative, loving, and care-free.  But most importantly, they inspire me to gain a new appreciation for what God can do; to us, the Bible can become redundant and story-like.  But, these kids recognize that God is amazing, that the God of the Bible, who did great things and performed miracles, is the same God today.  Our God is amazing, how can we not worship Him? 

3)  My friends.  When I was reading The Four Loves by C.S. Lewis this summer, his description of friendship struck me:  "Christ, who said to the disciples "Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you, " can truly say to every group of Christian friends "You have not chosen one another but I have chosen you for one another."  The Friendship is not a reward for our discrimination and good taste in finding one another out.  It is the instrument by which God reveals to each the beauties of all the others.  They are, like all beauties, derived from Him, and then, in a good Friendship, increased by Him through the Friendship itself, so that it is His instrument for creating as well as for revealing.  Let us not reckon without our Host."  I serve an incredible God, who has blessed me with incredible friends.

I know that I cannot do all things by my own strength or might.  Sometimes, that lesson is hard for me to learn, but full dependence on God is where I need to rest.  I know that I have been loved without condition and blessed beyond comprehension.  Praise Him!

[I will give thanks to you, O Lord, among the peoples; I will sing praises to you among the nations.  For your steadfast love is great to the heavens, your faithfulness to the clouds.  Be exalted, O God, above the heavens! Let your glory be over all the earth! -Psalm 57:9-11]

Uncalculating.

[Christ did not teach and suffer that we might become, even in the natural loves, more careful of our own happiness.  If a man is not uncalculating towards the earthly beloveds whom he has seen, he is none the more likely to be so towards God whom he has not.  We shall draw nearer to God, not by trying to avoid the sufferings inherent in all loves, but by accepting them and offering them to Him; throwing away all defensive armour.  If our hearts need to be broken, and if He chooses this as the way in which they should break, so be it.]

C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

Preoccupied.

I really like singing along to songs....but not in public (unless it's church, then I ignore the world).  I prefer my car (those 3.5 hour drives to/from ND get pretty interesting and loud) or the shower.  

Anyways, I can't get this song out of my head - enjoy!

Also, I created the best Pandora station ever based on this guy (fantastic study music). 

Heart.

There are two things that I have been thinking about a lot lately:  

biochemistry and the condition of my heart.

I am going to discuss the latter.  

[The biochemistry major that I am really wants to tell you how incredible it all is, how detailed and precise and beautiful science is - but I will refrain.]  

When I think about my life in Christ, one thing that I am constantly amazed with is the concept of love, God's love.  How does someone love those who constantly reject Him?  Who choose lofty things of this world to satisfy their needs?  How can God show unconditional, sacrificial, and constant love?  I do not know - I cannot comprehend all the things of God.  But I am so grateful, He shows me amazing love, time and time again.  

God's love is enough.  That is what I know, that is what I have been taught, that is what I trust.  The creator of all things is more than enough for me.  But, then I hear God asking me if I really believe that.

Because sometimes when I start thinking about the rest of my life, I start wondering about the man that I will marry.  And as a single person, it is so easy to think that once you find someone you will be complete.  But, if I am looking for another person to come into my life and "complete" me, then I think my heart is misguided and I will only be disappointed.  

I should look on Christ and my cup should overflow.  

“For He has satisfied the thirsty soul, and the hungry soul He has filled with what is good.” -Psalm 107:9

I will not find satisfaction in anyone else until I first find that in Christ. 

And for the person I will marry - the Lord has perfect timing - I'll trust Him to figure it all out. 

Slippers.

The two things you need to know for this story:

1) This is a conversation that I had with my father this morning.

2) My 14 year-old sister has basketball practice at 6 in the morning.

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RA:  "What do you want for Christmas?"

Mat Asp:  "I told you - I want those slippers."

RA:  "Oh..yeah. What kind of slippers?"

MA:  "Close your eyes and picture this:  It is 6 in the morning and I am sleeping.  And then someone comes and wakes me up and asks me to take them to the school.  And it's the middle of winter.  I do not want to tie my shoes at 6 in the morning; I just want to put some slippers on, get in my car, and drive to the school while still sleeping.  So, slippers that can allow me to do that."

RA:  "Got it."

I like having funny parents. 

Necessary.

Today I was thinking about some of the things that I own and how completely ridiculous they are...

...See!

Goldy hand puppet. 

My piggy bank.

A penguin pillow pet. 

My F.A.O. Schwarz teddy bear. 

My stress reliever. 

My other stress relievers.  

Despite the fact that I am an adult, it appears that I'm still holding onto several childlike possessions.  It's comical that I didn't even purchase most of these things...like the pillow pet and play-doh, you can blame the parents.  But I must argue, everything you see is completely necessary - completely ridiculous, but still completely necessary.  

Rebuked.

"From that time Jesus began to show his disciples that he must go to Jerusalem and suffer many things from the elders and chief priests and scribes, and be killed, and on the third day be raised. And Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him, saying, "Far be it from you, Lord! This shall never happen to you." But he turned and said to Peter, "Get behind me, Satan! You are a hindrance to me. For you are not setting your mind on the things of God, but on the things of man."" -Matthew 16:21-23

Did Peter just rebuke Jesus?  Really?  Peter was bold and confident enough to pull Jesus aside and attempt to "correct" him.  The same man who just confessed to Jesus, "You are the Christ, the Son of the living God (v. 15-16)" was reprimanding Him.  

Jesus was telling His disciples of His purpose on this earth.  Jesus had a clear objective - He came to die so that we may live.  All the things that He foretold had to come to fruition to fulfill prophesy and pay the debt that we owe, to wash away our sins and present us whole to God.  Jesus was telling them what was about to happen, what had to happen.  

But Peter chose to rebuke the words of Jesus.  And in turn, Jesus had to rebuke him:  "Get behind me, Satan!"  Jesus had just told Peter that he was to be the rock upon which He would build the church, but now he was a stumbling block.  Peter lost sight of his objective; he was focusing on worldly things, not on the things of God.  He was still the "rock", but he was currently acting as an obstacle.  Jesus planned to use Peter to further the Kingdom - to do great things for God.  Unfortunately, at this moment, Peter was a hindrance.  

And as I examine Peter, I am forced to ask myself:  how many times have I acted like him?

Peter had declared who Jesus was, but was acting in a way that denied that.  We do this - I do this.  I trust Jesus, but am still occasionally consumed with doubt and fear.  I proclaim that my purpose is in Christ, but I get in the way of that and limit myself.  I have acted as a hindrance to the Kingdom.  I get distracted by the things of this world and forget what is eternal.  I focus on things of man and lose sight of God.  I am Peter - the stumbling block.  With God's help, I can also be the Peter who God used to do incredible things.   

How would my life look if I was constantly living in a way that fully believed that Jesus is who He says He is and will do what He says He will do?

Aspirations.

Unfortunately, I do not have much to say..but this picture may explain a lot about today and what I got accomplished.

Indebted.

My Life's Spiritual Honor and Duty

"I am a debtor to both Greeks and to Barbarians.." -Romans 1:14

Paul was overwhelmed with the sense of his indebtedness to Jesus Christ, and he spent his life to express it. The greatest inspiration in Paul’s life was his view of Jesus Christ as his spiritual creditor. Do I feel that same sense of indebtedness to Christ regarding every unsaved soul? As a saint, my life’s spiritual honor and duty is to fulfill my debt to Christ in relation to these lost souls. Every tiny bit of my life that has value I owe to the redemption of Jesus Christ. Am I doing anything to enable Him to bring His redemption into evident reality in the lives of others? I will only be able to do this as the Spirit of God works into me this sense of indebtedness.

I am not a superior person among other people— I am a bondservant of the Lord Jesus. Paul said, “. . . you are not your own . . . you were bought at a price . . .” (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). Paul sold himself to Jesus Christ and he said, in effect, “I am a debtor to everyone on the face of the earth because of the gospel of Jesus; I am free only that I may be an absolute bondservant of His.” That is the characteristic of a Christian’s life once this level of spiritual honor and duty becomes real. Spend your life for the sake of others as the bondservant of Jesus. That is the true meaning of being broken bread and poured-out wine in real life.

-Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, July 15th. 

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I often think of this entry from My Utmost and I am always super convicted.  Do we, the body of Christ, have that same sense of indebtedness that Paul had toward every lost soul?  Do we love the world around us enough to tell them the good news?  Or are we afraid of rejection and persecution?  Let us do work for the Kingdom - everyday. 

Barbies.

In June, I started nannying a 4 (soon to be 5) year-old little girl.  I saw her everyday and the occasional weekends.  When my semester started, I stopped watching her daily and now only occasionally babysit her.  Since June, I have spent countless hours playing with Barbies, practicing my old man British accent (to go with the brown teddy bear, of course), playing Santa Claus, making up stories on the spot about a cheetah named Penelope, building forts, and giving piggyback rides.  I take life pretty seriously, but watching her has taught not to.  I learned that it is okay to act like a child every so often - she's taught me to be carefree and laugh at myself a little more.  

Kids have this magical thing about them.  They haven't been ruined by the world yet, disheartened towards what is around then.  They have this incredible sense of optimism and hope.  It's like any dream can come true and everything is possible.  They make me excited for life again when I am frustrated and bored with what is around me.  

We have so much to learn.

Cheers to never growing up! 

Off.

Sometimes I feel like I all I do is study and write papers and lab reports.  But I took tonight off to bask in more Christmas bliss and make chocolate-dipped pretzels with my roommate.  They are cute and cheery and covered in crushed candy canes.  As much as I enjoy being productive, I am so thankful for a night off to relax.  And I am going to be in bed before 1am..I am excited!   

 We also purchased mint chocolate..

 The messy mess:

Smiles.

I volunteered tonight in the emergency department and I was hoping that I would leave with a fantastic story to blog about because I knew that I would be getting home pretty late and had to update today.  But, that did not happen.  I did, however, come home to this in my email!

Here is my baptism video!  I'm smiling like crazy in the video (right now as well).  I just can't help but be filled with joy when I think about how awesome my God is.

"I have been crucified with Christ.  It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me.  And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." -Galatians 2:20

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And from earlier today...

So, I have this amazing ability to continue to take notes while sleeping in class.  This is what I 'learned' today in physics: 

It should be noted that "blood" at the bottom of the pages should be pointing to laminar and turbulent...and not lamhar and whatever else I tried scratching out.