Update.

So, you may not realize this, but today is the last day of June.  Crazy.  Half of 2011 is over.

And because of this, I figured now is probably the best time to do an update of sorts on how my year has been going [this means I'm going to reference my start of 2011 post].  

Okay - let's begin!

"I'm excited for 2011!  So far I have continued my re-read/completion of The Chronicles of Narnia and I've started a 90 day study of Paul."

The Chronicles of Narnia took up a lot of my January.  I must say, I love C.S. Lewis even more after this series.  And I dislike the people making the movies even more after my re-read.  I feel like the movies are getting further and further from the books, making them a separate entity.  Maybe that is the goal?  I don't know, but it makes me sad.  But, if the movies stood alone, I must say that I love them.

I also mentioned a 90 day study of Paul that I was working on.  It was awesome, which led me to start another Beth Moore study [90 day study on Jesus].  I'm in the beginning of the study of Jesus, but it's pretty great thus far.  These studies have definitely caused me to be more reflective on my walk with God and how I am living my life.  

"In 2011, I'm going to take more pictures, sleep less, volunteer more, try to learn how to cook, laugh more, and pay more attention to politics and current events."  

Well, I haven't taken enough pictures.  I think I'm going to start carrying my camera with me everywhere so I can stay true to this promise.  As for my sleeping status, I am definitely following through with this one.  This was especially the case during the semester...I pulled too many all-nighters for my liking, but I had a nice semester, so I can't complain.  I have kind of decided that if it comes to doing things or sleeping, I'm going to choose doing things.  Living life, you know?  For volunteering, I am doing more of that, but I think this is something that can always be improved.  I want to give more and take less - my time  and myself included.  For cooking, this is actually comical.  I still have the culinary skills of a four year old with an Easy-Bake Oven.  But, I have participated in a few cooking adventures with some friends of mine.  Baby steps.  For "laugh more", that's covered.  And in relation to politics and current events, I am embarrassed.  This area needs a little work.

"I'm looking forward to a road-trip to Colorado and hopefully flying to Oregon in the summer." 

As for my traveling, the Colorado road-trip did not happen (I feel good about this decision) BUT the Oregon road-trip of amazingness happened.  I don't really have more to say about the trip, but it was beautiful.  

"And at the end of this year, I will be half finished with my junior year and preparing for the MCAT."

So, I guess there really isn't much for an update with this one.  Haha, I'll still be a junior at the end of this year.  But, I can say that I'm doing a large amount of my MCAT prep this summer [I can assure you that it is rather difficult to study for something that is really far away, but I press on].

Some other happenings and updates with my life:

I guess the first thing is that I found a place to live this summer.  My aunt and uncle are super awesome and letting me crash with them.  Blessed.
I spend my days doing research and nannying a four year-old girl.  [A little note on my research:  I was thinking today about how I used dream of becoming a physician that both practiced and did cancer research.  Over the years and through my experiences, I came to realize that I did not want to do research for the rest of my life.  But, I want to do it while I'm in college.  Anyways, while riding in the elevator up to lab this morning it hit me that I am doing cancer research - kind of like a dream come true?  That's really cool.  I'm really blessed.]

I play on a softball league with my church.  Now, we aren't that good, but we are that awesome.  It's pretty safe to say that we're in it for the fun and the fellowship rather than the competition.  

At the end of July I will be spending a week at Camp Joy as a counselor.  My heart breaks because I'm not there this summer, but it should be pretty great to get back there for a week.

In the fall, I will be a TA for the physiology course that I took this last spring.  I'm really looking forward to it - I think it will be a good experience and I'm excited to both continue to learn and help other students figure it all out.  I also had big plans to write a children's book this summer.  I'm being completely serious, but I must admit that it hasn't gone anywhere yet.  I refuse to write a book without being inspired and so I'm simply gathering inspiration.  And playing with a four year-old everyday is sure helping.

And Twins game and the fourth of July in Wisco this weekend.

Oh, and it's my birthday next week!

Follow.

First of all, my posting for June has been weak.  The truth is that I have several entries that I have typed out and such, but I just can't publish them.  When I post my blogs, it's about what's on my heart - something that I just can't stop thinking about.  I guess my posts let you into my heart and mind a little bit, they let you know what I'm thinking about when I can't sleep or when I'm distracted all day or what I've been learning.  With that said, my heart has been all over the place this month and it has made publishing difficult.  

But.

One thing that I can tell you that I have been consumed with is what it really means to be a follower of Christ.

What does that look like in my life?

How does that change me?

I do think being a follower of Jesus means going with Him, wherever He says to go [Matt. 4:19].  But, I also think it means becoming like Christ, following after the person as well as the purpose.  That's been my prayer; I want to develop a more Christlike character - an all-consuming desire to become like Christ that becomes increasingly real in my life.  

We see throughout scripture the beautiful qualities of our Savior, qualities that I think we should seek to emulate. Christ loved His enemies, He was empathetic and generous, He was a servant, He was compassionate.  He was humble.  He was selfless.  He forgives.
He loves. 
Our Lord is so incredibly beautiful. 

The character of Christ is so much deeper than the few items that I listed.  When we seek after Him, or follow Him, the beauty of who Jesus is will shine for us to see.  And with His help, we will become more like the Savior of the world.

I challenge you to examine what following Christ means in your life.  

Sufficient.

I think I am a pretty ambitious or driven person.  

I like independence and having confidence in my abilities, I find comfort in knowing that something is in my control.  But I've realized that all of those attributes can hold me back from living fully dependent on Christ, apart from fear and doubt.  I don't think it's bad to have ambition or drive or to be able to do things for yourself, but I do think it is a great shame when those characteristics permeate through your entire being and put a barrier on your relationship with Christ.

The Lord is teaching me the sufficiency of Christ.

But at times I feel so stuck.  Stuck in a place of wanting to live a fully surrendered lifestyle, but not doing it because I think I can do better than that.  Or thinking that I must be able to do something.

Like my power is needed in every situation.
But it is not.
All I can do is bow down to the Almighty One.
Then His power takes over.  

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"Remember, sinner, it is not thy hold of Christ that saves thee–it is Christ; it is not thy joy in Christ that saves thee–it is Christ; it is not even faith in Christ, though that is the instrument–it is Christ’s blood and merits; therefore, look not to thy hope, but to Christ, the source of thy hope; look not to thy faith, but to Christ, the author and finisher of thy faith; and if thou doest that, ten thousand devils cannot throw thee down…There is one thing which we all of us too much becloud in our preaching, though I believe we do it very unintentionally–namely, the great truth that it is not prayer, it is not faith, it is not our doings, it is not our feelings upon which we must rest, but upon Christ, and on Christ alone.  We are apt to think that we are not in a right state, that we do not feel enough, instead of remembering that our business is not with self, but Christ.  Let me beseech thee, look only to Christ; never expect delieverance from self, from ministers, or from any means of any kind apart from Christ; keep thine eye simply on Him; let his death, His agonies, His groans, His sufferings, His merits, His glories, His intercession, be fresh upon thy mind; when thou wakest in the morning look for Him; when thou liest down at night look for Him." (Charles Spurgeon - The Forgotten Spugeon, Iain Murray, 42.)

Recap.

So, my Oregon adventure happened!  

It was beautiful - so much fun with such great friends.  

Before we left, I was joking (but was totally serious) that the driving part of the trip would be especially revealing..and after looking back on that, I would say revealing is an understatement.  But, I am so thankful for how our friendships were able to grow and strengthen as a result of the time and fun we had together - both during the road trip and while in Oregon.  Ah! I am so blessed!  A few highlights:  hiking around waterfalls, running in the Pacific, exploring around sand dunes, my shadow shift in the neonatal intensive care unit at OHSU, Detroit Lake, amateur photography, camping, driving, and more..

 Lord, thank You for friendship, for Your creation, for all that You have blessed us with.

Thank You for being You.  

Joy.

A friend of mine recently described me as joyful.  That's super cool - who wouldn't want to be described as joyful, to have people look at you and see that?  That brings me joy.  But also confusion.  I don't always feel joyful or happy or excited or optimistic.  It bothers me so much, but it is the truth.  It was especially confusing when he said it because I have been thinking a lot about where I am not finding joy.  Recently, I have been struggling with finding joy in a large area of my life - my research.  Research has become an increasingly important part of my life these past few semesters [and especially this summer] and it so difficult to put so much time and effort into something that I currently can't find much joy in.

But as much stock as I put into my research [or academics or friendships or self], it should not, and will not, compare to the stock that I put in the power of my God.  That's where I should turn for my joy.  I should look on Him and His works and my cup should overflow.  I have the love of my Father, the sacrifice of the Son, the power of the Holy Spirit and so much more - all providing me with joy.  

Looking at my life, I'm sure I could rattle off to you all the things that bring me sadness, hurt, and pain - but I have been blessed beyond comprehension and loved without condition.  I have infinite reasons to sing praises.  I am joyful - may I never cease to show that.

"..yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will take joy in the God of my salvation."
-Habakkuk 3:18