Grief.

In my pursuit to better understand God's character, I am realizing more and more about myself as well.

Specifically, I'm learning about how I react when I am plagued with seasons of grief.

I find that I pull away from others and return to myself in those times.  And I easily let emotions take over and affect my reasoning.

And as much as those can fog my vision of who God is,

the core of it all - the core of me - is belief in an almighty and all powerful God.  

Christ would also pull away from others.

But He pulled Himself away from the world to be alone with His Father.

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[And they went to a place called Gethsemane. And he said to his disciples, "Sit here while I pray." And he took with him Peter and James and John, and began to be greatly distressed and troubled. And he said to them, "My soul is very sorrowful, even to death. Remain here and watch." And going a little farther, he fell on the ground and prayed that, if it were possible, the hour might pass from him. And he said, "Abba, Father, all things are possible for you. Remove this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will." -Mark 14: 32-36]

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Jesus, the Savior of this world, was greatly distressed and troubled.  He was sorrowful.

But He beautifully cried out to His Father.

He prayed for the possibility of an alternative BUT still remained that He would seek the will of His Father.

With all the darkness of this world cast upon the most beautiful person to ever exist, His eyes still gazed upwards and He could clearly see.

His response in His sorrow is my model.

Jesus, teach me.

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If my heart is overwhelmed and I cannot hear Your voice | I’ll hold on to what is true though I cannot see | If the storms of life they come and the road ahead gets steep | I will lift these hands in faith | I will believe | I remind myself of all that You've done | And the life I have because Your Son | Love came down and rescued me | Love came down and set me free | I am Yours, I am forever Yours | Mountain high or valley low | I sing out remind my soul | That I am Yours, I am forever Yours | When my heart is filled with hope | And every promise comes my way | When I feel Your hands of grace rest upon me | Staying desperate for You God | Staying humbled at Your feet | I will lift these hands and praise | I will believe | I remind myself of all that You've done | And the life I have because of Your Son | Love came down and rescued me | Love came down and set me free | I am Yours, I am forever Yours | Mountain high or valley low | I sing out remind my soul | That I am Yours, I am forever Yours

Twenty.

Today is my birthday, my twentieth birthday.

I always ask people if they feel different - or older - when it is their birthday.  And I'm always joking when I ask it because I never feel "different" when it is my birthday.  BUT today, I feel different.  Twenty seems big.

Anyways, I figured maybe because today is my twentieth I would share twenty things that you may not know about me..

1)  I really enjoy apples.  But, I really, really do not like shopping for them.  It is slightly overwhelming.  You're probably thinking, "It's just an apple. Calm down."  Well, I always think I'm going to buy a bad one, even though it looks and feels perfect.  And when I bite into a bad apple, it's even worse..and then I can't eat them for a really long time.

2)  My favorite fireworks are champagne poppers or those little confetti things.  Yes, they are fireworks.

3)  I don't sleep under a comforter or sheets (I super dislike them).  My bed stays "made" and I sleep on top of it with a fleece blanket.

4)  I am a terrible movie quoter.

5)  I press snooze at least five times before waking up.

6)  I have to wash my hands before I go to bed.

7)  Guns scare me.  A lot.

8)  I love thunderstorms and walking in the rain and puddle jumping.

9)  Good Will Hunting and You've Got Mail are my favorite movies.  And I've never seen Star Wars, Star Trek, or Harry Potter.

10)  Milk scares me.  I only have it with cereal and the very, very rare times with cookies.  And skim milk is what I will choose.

11)  I was the cutest baby ever.  Boom.

12)  When I was a small child, I cut off a lot of my hair and the first thing I said to my crying mother was, "Am I still beautiful?"  Idiot.

13)  I do not believe in love at first sight.  But I do believe in love.

14)  I cannot stand Nickelback, Pink, Green Day, Bon Jovi, most woman country artists, and Francessa Batistelli. Ah. 

15)  I'm thinking about taking year off before medical school.

16)  My favorite color is green.  

17)  I have zero piercings.

18)  I have recently become interested in frisbee golfing or disc golf or frolfing or whatever you like to call it.

19)  I really, really dislike ambulance sirens.

20)  I wish I was shorter.