Rest.

A prayer of my heart has long been to be completely satisfied in my Maker.  I find that I am rarely content and am always striving for something more or am trying to make up for things by relying on myself and giving God only what I think He should have.  This always seems to apply to my future.  Right now, I believe that I have been called to the career path that I am working towards and I find great joy in that.  But what if the Lord decided to take that away?  What if I was called to something else?  Would I go?  Yes.  

I know that my Jesus is enough.

If He took all that I cling to away, I would be satisfied with Him alone.  I am satisfied with Him alone.

I am resting in the grace and love of my Father, trusting Him alone.

Take me, I am Yours.

Motive.

I can't think of my brother without remembering how amazing, outgoing, and awesome he was.  There are so many aspects of his character that I envy; Alex lived life without fear, he didn't follow the rules, he wasn't shy.  He made mistakes, but he gained so much.  After he died, I promised myself that I would live life more like him. I wanted so much to be brave and carefree, to step outside of my comfort zone, to be more like my brother.  

But, I have fallen through on that promise so many times in the last year and a half.  I am such a guarded person; I struggle to let people into my world or my heart.  I have built a large comfort zone.  I calculate all things and analyze every situation.  I don't want that anymore - I don't want to always think of the consequences without thinking of the benefits.  I don't know if saying this now will cause immediate change, but I pray that it will.  

I think of Alex and I think of all the adventures he had - the adventure he is having.  I have so much to learn.  

I miss you, brother. 

Tea.

I love tea.  

I prefer green tea, in several varieties, and I drink it daily.  I also enjoy lemon, mint, Earl Grey - all of those, but my absolute favorite is definitely chai green tea.  It is incredible and I strongly recommend it.  

Tea is kind of a nostalgic thing for me too.  My dad and I have been tea lovers for quite some time.  He always makes tea for me and I so very much look forward to that when I go back home.  Ah, I love it.  The last time I was home was for spring break; I got to Hankinson sometime Friday night and after unloading my car and hugging my family, I was given tea.  I know - it's just tea.  But tea is a little piece of home for me.  And sometimes all I need is home.  I have needed home more than anything this semester and have realized how fortunate I truly am.  I love Minneapolis and all that I have here, but sometimes those things aren't enough.  

I get to go home on Friday to celebrate Easter with my family.

I get to drink tea with my parents.

I am so blessed.

I am thankful.  

Self-control.

In one of my classes last semester, a few of my classmates and I were talking about my road-rage issue.  We were all joking about it and then one of my classmates told me that I had self-control.  Profound.

Honestly, I never thought of that.  I always just blamed it on my personality and thought it was some inherent part of me that I could not change.  Even though, I wanted to change it - or at least I thought I did, I was convinced that it was something beyond my control.  But, all it took was my classmate telling me that I had self-control for me to actually realize that I do.  So, I've been working on it - every time I want to yell about traffic or the person that cut me off, I try to think, "No. You have self-control."  For me, it's road rage - for you, probably something different. 

My roommate and I were talking about this recently; she brought up an aspect of her "personality" that she thinks that she can't change.  To be honest, she can - she has self-control.  I could feel her trying to explain it away - claiming that maybe that can't be part of her.  But, we have the Fruits of the Spirit.  She has self-control; it is up to her to exercise it.  The part of her personality that she feels that she cannot change or will just have to deal with or ignore is significant, but it has no authority in her life.  The Spirit in her life is superior.  The Spirit in my life is superior.  

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law."

-Galatians 5:22-23

Spring Retreat!

So, this week has been crazier than most, but it is totally fine, because now the crazy is almost over and I will be heading off to my church's Spring Retreat soon!!


I think it is a much need getaway from the Cities and classes and research - it will be great.  I'm so excited to spend my entire weekend in fellowship with my church, praising the Lord, and having a great time - with no distractions.


Well, this post is going to be short because I have one more class for the day.
And then I'm off :) 


I'll let you know all about it next week.  

"But if we walk in the light, as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin."

-1 John 1:7

Talking.

I started this blog for several reasons, but it was primarily because I decided to start talking less and wanted an outlet of sorts - a place to hash out my thoughts.  I decided that in part because I think I talk too much, but also because I think people (myself included) listen too little.  

There have been several, unexpected I must admit, repercussions as a result of this conscious decision.  I won't elaborate on all of them, but I will briefly share a few.  One thing I have found is that when you decide to talk less, the words that you do choose to say become more important.  Maybe they are not more important to anyone else and maybe the words are not profound or deep, but they are important to you.  And that is very important.  And when you speak those words and they are ignored or uncared for - you hurt.  You feel silenced, even though you are not silenced, because you are, in fact, speaking.  

I have also found that people talk just to talk.  They search to say something new or provocative or interesting, but their search is not through their mind, it is through their words.

Talking just to talk cheapens the worth of the spoken word.

"You aren't learning anything when you're talking."

Lyndon B. Johnson

Please.

Tonight I volunteered in Team Center C, the pediatrics wing, of HCMC's Emergency Department.  Due to overflow in the other two centers, there were several patients admitted to Center C who were not children.  I was asked to help move one of these adult patients up to a new unit and on the way the patient, the HCA, and I were chatting about things.  The HCA asked me if I was pre-med - I said yes and so we talked about me becoming a doctor in a few years.  The patient didn't really say anything during this, but before I left, she looked up at me with tears in her eyes and said, "Please be compassionate towards your patients." 

This patient was in a lot of physical and emotional pain.  She was scared.  She was confused.  But, she was beautiful.  She told me something that no one has ever told me during this whole pre-med journey that I've been on. I told her that I would and I intend to stay true to that.  I pray that if I am blessed enough to become any type of doctor - I am primarily a compassionate one.

To the patient whose name I don't even know - thank you.