Our individualistic culture has put too much stress on the act of introspection. We advertise happiness as being able to better understand ourselves and we endlessly try to characterize our talents, personalities, and desires to satisfy our needs. But I think if we really understand who we are, we would be terrified and left alone in our desperation. Seeing a glimpse of who we are should only serve to realize our depravity and need. You see, I have no desire to fully figure out who I am because I know what I will find. I will find insufficiency, despair, corruption, and hate. I will find pride and fear and longing. But we need to find something more - something so much better.
Searching to get to the heart of who we are can only be truly rewarding if the light at the end of the tunnel is from the one true God. And I don't think we can find that light by searching for ourselves. We must strive and desire to know and follow hard after God. And only then can we figure out who we are.
When we get to that point, to the point of total surrender and insufficiency, that is when we find all that we need. We need to reach the end of ourselves to find ourselves.
"Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will save it." [Luke 9:23-24]
Jesus tells us the secret. We need to let go of this world, our selfish ambitions, our earthly desires, ourselves.
I'm losing my life for Him to save it.
And finding everything I could ever need and satisfying all my desires.
And finding everything I could ever need and satisfying all my desires.
"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. "[Matthew 6:33]
