L is for..

Happy Valentine's Day!

I pray that God would show me how to love all people.

Even those that it is difficult to love. 

Even those that reject my love.

To love as I have been loved.

To see value in all people.

To see past inequalities.

To love sincerely.

To love faithfully.

To bask in the true love of my Savior.

Through a child's eyes....

 Bekah and I had a few good laughs over these last night...enjoy!

A year in review.

So, that happened.  


I am thankful for 2010 - for all that I have learned, the people I have met, and all that I experienced.


Here is a little of my year - 


Two of the main things to happen this year:


NYC - Bekah and I went on a very impromptu trip to NYC for a week.  When we first met last fall, we talked about how both of us wanted to go to Boston.  Boston somehow turned into New York which ten days before spring break turned into us buying plane tickets on a whim at 1 in the morning.  Before the tickets the whole plot was kind of a hypothetical ordeal - but then we bought them and our plans fell into place.  The whole week was an adventure and included:  Times Square, Top of the Rock, Today's Show, Brooklyn Bridge, Statue of Liberty, Ellis Island, Grand Central Station, Wall Street, China Town, Little Italy, St. Patrick's Day parade, Rockefeller Center, Metropolitan Museum of Art, FAO Schwarz, Magnolia's, Central Park, and I'm probably forgetting some.  

    

Camp Joy - This summer I was fortunate enough to spend my summer at Camp Joy.  This was my third year as a Summer Missionary and I am so blessed that the Lord led me there for one last summer.  This summer was incredible; I worked with amazing staff, experienced a lot of personal growth, hung out with hundreds of awesome campers, saw some old friends and made some new ones.  Some of my highlights - paint war at Boys' Week, the last camp "fire", SM water war on the last night, "Operation Java Jump", tornadoes, Bellybutton!, boat races, Wednesday meetings, frog hunting with Chelsie, shenanigans with Chelsie and Johanna when they were program with me, sunsets and stars, and I'll stop now before I start crying. 

Here are some other snapshots from my year:

 *The first picture in this last set is of Josh and Billy on Father's Day when we took Dad golfing.  They were on a team against me and my dad and this is them plotting.  I thought it was cute. 

I'm excited for 2011!  So far I have continued my re-read/completion of The Chronicles of Narnia and I've started a 90 day study of Paul.  In 2011, I'm going to take more pictures, sleep less, volunteer more, try to learn how to cook, laugh more, and pay more attention to politics and current events.  I'm looking forward to a road-trip to Colorado and hopefully flying to Oregon in the summer. And at the end of this year, I will be half finished with my junior year and preparing for the MCAT.  Wow.


Right now, I'm trying to figure out where I will be living this summer, any ideas? 

Patience.

One of my friends was recently interviewed for medical school.  We prepared a bit before he went, brainstorming the various questions that they may ask him.  And the classic question about one's strengths and weaknesses was the most difficult to tackle.  Although this was hard, we found one clear-cut strength of his - patience.  I must say that he is in fact a rather patient individual, with me and with others.  I want one of my strengths to be patience.  Let's work on it.

Of course, when I say let's work on it, I know that God is going to work on me.  I think He is right now, like He did this summer.  But right now, I feel the pressure.  Maybe pressure isn't the right word.  Maybe presence is better?  I don't know, but right now I feel Him at work.  

I am impatient.  Not all of the time, I hope not even most of the time, but at the moment I am.  I do not like this.  

God and I are going to work this out.  He will work in me, and I will work it out for Him and for His glory.

Let's go. 

"Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience."

Colossians 3:12

And you can't take credit for this.

I use two different Bibles with different translations and the one I use predominantly has probably been around for 6 or more years.  I fill my Bible with all kinds of things; sermon notes, pictures, ten dollar bills (only once actually, but it was exciting when I turned to Jeremiah 19 one day and found the forgotten cash).  I also write all over the inside of my Bible.  I used to highlight verses that seemed especially profound or important to me at that time, but I find highlighting slightly annoying now, so I mostly use pen to identify the things that are memorable to me - or I want to make memorable.  I love looking back on all the marks in my Bible and thinking about what was going on in my life at the time.  I think about why I needed to highlight those verses, why were they significant to me, things like that.  I commonly come across verses of a chapter or section that I may have highlighted or underlined but refrained from marking an adjacent piece.  A lot of the time it really confuses me.  I often ask myself why I did that and not this.  I think of who I am now, what events have taken place in my life, how I see the world and I think of who I was before - the person who previously wrote in my Bible.  I think it's fun; reflection can be fun.  We read from Ephesians 2 in church yesterday and I found myself thinking all of those things again.


I sat there staring at the open Bible in my lap thinking about who I am and who I've been.  


The sermon focused on verses 1-10 - Made Alive in Christ.  How beautiful is that? Being made alive in Christ, so awesome.  I love that idea and I love it even more when I read through those verses:  you were dead because of your sins (v.1), you followed the ways of this world (v.2), following the passions and desires of our evil nature (v.3), deserving of wrath (v.3).  I am all of those things - or I was.  I am not anymore, I have been made alive in Christ.  God, rich in mercy, expressed His great love for me - for us - made us alive with Christ.  I am not captive to those things that condemn me, the things that separate me from my beautiful Savior.  


And the part that made me think about my Bible and highlighters and pens lies enclosed in verses 8-10.  Whenever I highlighted that section (beyond my memory), I highlighted every word except "And you can't take credit for this".  I liked the idea that God saved me, the idea that it is a gift, that I am God's masterpiece, that He created me anew in Christ Jesus - all of it, I liked it, it stood out to me, it was important - but the idea of pride was somewhat troublesome for me.  Maybe I thought that pride wasn't an issue of mine (it was), maybe defeating pride scared me (it did), maybe I wanted to ignore it (I did)?  And although I believe that my struggle with pride has decreased, I would be lying if I told you that I do not battle with it from time to time.  Sometimes the idea of getting over myself and bowing down to The Great I Am seems difficult or unnecessary.  I remember in the months after my brother died I didn't do that; I didn't bow down.  I was never angry at God for what happened, but I did ignore God.  I knew that He loved me, saved me, that He is in control - I knew all of those things and more, but I didn't want to talk to Him.  I didn't want to break down and rely on the greatest comforter of them all.  I struggled with my pride.


But if my pride means preventing eternal communion with my Lord - I want to be totally rid of pride, I want Jesus.  Although I deal with pride, I am not a prisoner to it, I have been made alive in Christ.  

"Against whom have you raised your voice and lifted your eyes in pride? Against the Holy One of Israel!"

2 Kings 19: 22

A lot of things..

So just some things that I want to say..because I feel like a lot has happened this week...not necessarily super awesome things, but it's the little things, you know?

1. On Tuesday I realized that my phone wouldn't charge, so I called home and arranged to get a new one.  Fortunately, my family (-mom) were coming to the Vikings game on Sunday, so the transaction would work.  It just meant no phone for a few days, which wouldn't end my world - obviously - but I like to be in touch or have the option to at least.  Anyways..throughout the night I was thinking about what I could do.. And I must admit, I got pretty desperate, because I searched YouTube for "How-To" videos for fixing cell phone charging ports and what not.  I found a pretty exciting one...and really wanted to try it.  So, this is what I did:
a. Convinced Beth that I should cut her charger in half.
b. Cut Beth's charger in half.
c. Strip the red and black wires.
d. Carefully align the wires to the positive/negative sides of the battery and then place in the phone.
e. Plug into the wall.
f. Watch the magic happen.

It was so cool.  I felt so awesome after we figured out it worked.  And as an added bonus, it was a solid bonding session with one of my roommates, which is always valued.

2. I've been listening to a lot of Christmas music. Yes. I'm just going to say that I'm so happy that Frank Sinatra, Michael Buble, and Josh Groban gave Christmas musical a whirl.  Also, hearing an NSYNC Christmas song was nice.

3. Wednesday - This was probably the day that marked the downfall of my bio team's lab project or whatnot.  Hah. I can't say I'm surprised, it just has never really worked out for us in there, to no one's fault.  It's nearly over - yes.

3. My Honors seminar class is over. And that makes me super happy.

4. I really like OChem.

5. Thursday - Last week I took a Psych exam and did not do very well on it.  I didn't want to study any more, so I quit.  Consequently, I've decided that I need to do REP studies to get extra credit and so I followed up on an email I got responding to a previous REP survey that I had taken.  The questions on the survey were basically diagnosing me with OCD - this made me not want to do the lab follow-up because I don't really have a desire to be studied by people.  But, sometimes you make poor decisions (not studying) and you have to deal up with it.  So I go in to the study and they put this (EEG) cap on my head - terrible, just terrible.  It was stored in a bucket of "mostly water, baby shampoo, and other things".  Not a fan. And so I got water all over my face and my hair was crazy and there were marks all over my head and people looked at me funny when I got into the elevator.  Just a crazy bad experience - no more REP studies.

6. Friday - I had a lab meeting with one of the post-docs that I work with.  It was nice, we figured some things out, she understands my schedule, gave me some more things to figure out - overall pretty positive.  Then I went to find my mentor because I really need him to fill out a few papers for me.  After talking to him for a bit, he told me that I have permission to annoy him.  I like the sound of that.  I'm sure he'll regret it someday :)  Hopefully, I'll get those papers soon - or more annoyance will come his way.

I also went to Beth's choir concert.  Oh, and I had an Organic exam.  But, the concert was pretty nice, very eclectic.  And I'm pretty terrible at concerts, like I can't stop laughing or making silly comments. Also, Bekah and Eric (especially Eric, not so much Bekah) were enablers to this terrible behavior.  The last song was none other than "We Wish You a Merry Christmas", which involved figgy pudding.  This inspired Beth and I to make some chocolate pudding and watch Glee for a few hours.

7. Saturday - I worked on a fantastic video about autoclaving with a few classmates for our Honors project for bio lab.  This is definitely a must see for all amateur scientists :) We also went out to Bucca's for some great food with Bekah's parents.  It was fun and they sang to Bekah for her birthday next week - success.  Oh, and before that we went to the Holidazzle parade - SANTA!!!!!!

8. Sunday - Today was a good day.  I started it off pretty nice with Sunday School.  I really, really enjoy teaching them, playing with them, and just listening to what they have to tell me. So fun.  We practiced for the Christmas concert, which was pretty awesome.  My kids are Mary, Joseph, an angel, and some shepherds - I'm very excited for them.  Then church happened, which was great.  Today, they had baptisms, and when they do that at Hope they also join it with communion and worship; three great things all at once.  It was very cool to see these people publicly professing their faith - it made me cry.

Then Josh texted us and said he had free tickets to the Vikings game. What? So, Beth and I went. And I saw everyone, soo many people: my dad, Betsers, Josh, Billy, Daniel (high school friend) and his family, my cousin's husband, Rachel (camp friend), and my uncle too was there too although I didn't get to see him.  It was great.  I love my family so much, so an impromptu Sunday with them is always welcome.

And just a few hours ago, we got to watch Bekah's recital! It was very cool and so exciting for her.  Her parents flew in for the weekend, so she got to see them and hang out with them for awhile, which I think she needed.  And they got to see her perform.  Cool stuff.  I do like listening to Bekah play - it is something that I have such a hard time understanding, but I have so much respect for what she does.  I love seeing people do things that they are passionate about - Bekah is passionate about her music and it is a beautiful thing to get to witness a small part of that coming out in her performances.

A lot of words.

The Most Hell-Deserving Sinner.

I have had a lot of time for reflection lately.  Driving to and from North Dakota this past week gave me seven hours of alone time and being home also gave me a lot of time to think.  And, I think I should probably mention that after making a conscious effort to talk less and listen more, I have had a lot of thoughts roaming around in my mind.  Part of me just wants to just say every little thing that comes to mind, but by not doing that I think I have learned so much more and I am thankful for that. I am thankful that the Lord is speaking to me and I pray that He will continue to do so.

Anywho, back to the matter at hand.  This little gem has been consuming me for the past twenty-some hours.  I read this last night before going to bed and I had to read it through a few times to once again remember why grace is so beautiful, how big my sin is, and how loving my God is.  From Oswald Chamber's My Utmost for His Highest:

The Bounty of the Destitute

"Being justified freely by His grace..." 

Romans 3:24

The gospel of the grace of God awakens an intense longing in human souls and an equally intense resentment, because the revelation which it brings is not palatable.  There is a certain pride in man that will give and give, but to come and accept is another thing.  I will give myself in consecration, I will do anything, but do not humiliate me to the level of the most hell-deserving sinner and tell me that all I have to do is to accept the gift of salvation through Jesus Christ.

We have to realize that we cannot earn or win anything from God; we must either receive it as a gift or do without it.  The greatest blessing spiritually is the knowledge that we are destitute; until we get there Our Lord is powerless.  He can do nothing for us if we think we are sufficient of ourselves; we have to enter into His Kingdom through the door of destitution.  As long as we are rich, possessed of anything in the way of pride or independence, God cannot do anything for us.  It is only when we get hungry spiritually that we receive the Holy Spirit.  The gift of the essential nature of God is made effectual in us by the Holy Spirit; He imparts to us the quickening life of Jesus, which puts "the beyond" within, and immediately "the beyond" has come within, it rises up to "the above" and we are lifted into the domain where Jesus lives (John 3:5).

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As I read this last night and now read through it again, I can't help but be struck by my own pride.  Pride is an ugly, ugly thing and I know that it far too often prevents me from falling to my knees before the cross.  How can that be?  I am a sinner who needs a savior and I was given just that.  I sometimes look at my life and the things that I have done and think that I'm not that bad, my sin is not that big.  Maybe today I'm doing alright and I don't need Jesus?  But, I would be a fool to claim such a thing.  I need Jesus, every single day - I need Jesus.  I need the gift of the cross; I need that beautiful sacrifice.  And I hope that that is reality in your life as well.  We are a sinful people, but we are also a people belonging to God, we are chosen (1 Peter 2:9).  

I need to be humiliated by my sin so that I can realize that all I have to do is accept the free gift of salvation.  I know that I am not enough to cover my sin debt and be presented whole before God.  Fortunately, I have been shown love beyond comprehension and have been justified freely by His grace.