And you can't take credit for this.

I use two different Bibles with different translations and the one I use predominantly has probably been around for 6 or more years.  I fill my Bible with all kinds of things; sermon notes, pictures, ten dollar bills (only once actually, but it was exciting when I turned to Jeremiah 19 one day and found the forgotten cash).  I also write all over the inside of my Bible.  I used to highlight verses that seemed especially profound or important to me at that time, but I find highlighting slightly annoying now, so I mostly use pen to identify the things that are memorable to me - or I want to make memorable.  I love looking back on all the marks in my Bible and thinking about what was going on in my life at the time.  I think about why I needed to highlight those verses, why were they significant to me, things like that.  I commonly come across verses of a chapter or section that I may have highlighted or underlined but refrained from marking an adjacent piece.  A lot of the time it really confuses me.  I often ask myself why I did that and not this.  I think of who I am now, what events have taken place in my life, how I see the world and I think of who I was before - the person who previously wrote in my Bible.  I think it's fun; reflection can be fun.  We read from Ephesians 2 in church yesterday and I found myself thinking all of those things again.


I sat there staring at the open Bible in my lap thinking about who I am and who I've been.  


The sermon focused on verses 1-10 - Made Alive in Christ.  How beautiful is that? Being made alive in Christ, so awesome.  I love that idea and I love it even more when I read through those verses:  you were dead because of your sins (v.1), you followed the ways of this world (v.2), following the passions and desires of our evil nature (v.3), deserving of wrath (v.3).  I am all of those things - or I was.  I am not anymore, I have been made alive in Christ.  God, rich in mercy, expressed His great love for me - for us - made us alive with Christ.  I am not captive to those things that condemn me, the things that separate me from my beautiful Savior.  


And the part that made me think about my Bible and highlighters and pens lies enclosed in verses 8-10.  Whenever I highlighted that section (beyond my memory), I highlighted every word except "And you can't take credit for this".  I liked the idea that God saved me, the idea that it is a gift, that I am God's masterpiece, that He created me anew in Christ Jesus - all of it, I liked it, it stood out to me, it was important - but the idea of pride was somewhat troublesome for me.  Maybe I thought that pride wasn't an issue of mine (it was), maybe defeating pride scared me (it did), maybe I wanted to ignore it (I did)?  And although I believe that my struggle with pride has decreased, I would be lying if I told you that I do not battle with it from time to time.  Sometimes the idea of getting over myself and bowing down to The Great I Am seems difficult or unnecessary.  I remember in the months after my brother died I didn't do that; I didn't bow down.  I was never angry at God for what happened, but I did ignore God.  I knew that He loved me, saved me, that He is in control - I knew all of those things and more, but I didn't want to talk to Him.  I didn't want to break down and rely on the greatest comforter of them all.  I struggled with my pride.


But if my pride means preventing eternal communion with my Lord - I want to be totally rid of pride, I want Jesus.  Although I deal with pride, I am not a prisoner to it, I have been made alive in Christ.  

"Against whom have you raised your voice and lifted your eyes in pride? Against the Holy One of Israel!"

2 Kings 19: 22