Now.

Life is pretty exciting right now, in the crazed calm 'reflecting on the gravity of where you are in life' kind of way.

I am registered for senior classes (Um. What? When did I turn old?).

I am applying to medical schools (Oh my, real life keeps getting realer..).

I am figuring out my exciting summer plans! (I'm going to hold off on announcing anything just yet.)

But in the midst of all of that, I think it is necessary to take a step back and refocus.  

My mind has been focusing a lot lately on a passage in Genesis, when God calls Abram.  These three short verses have literally been racking my brain and here are my reflections:

"The Lord had said to Abram, “Go from your country, your people and your father’s household to the land I will show you.

'I will make you into a great nation,

    and I will bless you;

I will make your name great,

    and you will be a blessing.

I will bless those who bless you,

    and whoever curses you I will curse;

and all peoples on earth

    will be blessed through you.'"

-Genesis 12:1-3

The first word that He says to Abram is 'go'.  I love this.  We know here that this call definitely had a literal meaning to it, but beyond the physical command to leave his land, what was God really asking?  He was asking him to leave everything he knew, he was asking him to leave his family, his land, his people.  He was asking Abram to be a leader.  

The Lord was asking Abram to trust that He is good and that He is in control.

The Lord said that He would make Abram great.

He promised Abram that He would bless him - and not just to make Abram's life comfortable or easier.  But God was going to bless him with a greater intention; He was going to bless Abram so that he could be a blessing.  

God was definitely planning to do work in Abram's life and form and mold him to use for His purpose.  

But, Abram's adventure began after his response to God's calling.  

It all started after the Lord said 'go'.

So, what is God asking of me?  He is asking me to trust that He is good and that He is in control.  He is asking me to respond to Him. 

"So Abram went, as the Lord had told him." (v.4)

Break.

For break this year, I decided to join my church in their spring break "trip".  I was so excited because I love this city and wanted to get more involved in the place that I now call home. 

But the week was so much more than serving and learning about Minneapolis and St. Paul.  It was about studying God’s word to gain a better understanding of God’s heart to bless the world and our role in all of this.  And for me, the week was characterized by conviction coupled with peace and joy.  So necessary and so good.

The week was a beautiful combination of service and study.  I am confident that if we would have done one without the other, the week would not have come close to being as great as it was.  For the sake of words, I will briefly recap the week and then tell you what I took away from it:

Friday – prepared and served a homeless meal at First Covenant

Saturday – worked with Urban Homeworks, toured North Minneapolis, ate dinner with some “Urban Neighbors”

Sunday – City Vision Tour with John Mayer [I went on tour with John Mayer and ate a camel burger!], attended a Spanish-speaking church service

Monday – group study [Genesis -> Revelation; Creation, Fall, Restoration], visited International Village and met with some Bhutanese refugees

Tuesday – group study [defining what poverty really is], hung out with some kids and served at Hope Academy, visited the Source Annex

Wednesday – group study [ways to alleviate poverty], learned about and served at First Care Pregnancy Center, helped out at the Fruit of the Vine food shelf

Thursday – reflection and recap

One of the topics we discussed at length was the definition of “shalom”, which is the “Hebrew word for peace and wholeness meaning fullness of life through God-given harmony with God, the world, others, and oneself.”  Shalom describes the way things were meant to be, the world that God implemented at Creation.  It is being in right relationship with God, which causes all other relationships to fall into place.  Shalom is life before the fall.

 But, we live post-fall and suffer from broken and damaged relationships with God, the world, others, and ourselves. 

What are the consequences of this?  Poverty.  When we initially think of poverty, we think of material things, lack of basic necessities, and merely the external circumstances.  But if we give poverty a biblical definition, we begin to see that poverty is deeper than surface level – it is the absence of shalom.  Poverty can be everywhere – it is everywhere.  Looking at poverty from a biblical mindset, we are forced to evaluate all areas of our lives.  And when we realize that we are all poverty-stricken, the differences between all of us start to fade away.  We can finally see that at the core of it all, we are all suffering from the same thing – a broken relationship with our Maker, with others, the world, creation, and oneself.

Who can alleviate poverty and restore shalom? God can.  And one day He will.  Revelation talks about the new heaven and the new earth – “’Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man.  He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God.  He will wipe away every team from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.’ And he who was seated on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.’ (21:3-4)”  Friends, I look forward to that day, where God will completely restore all things and the old will be no more!

Christ’s death and resurrection are part of that restoring power, as is the development of the church, the body of Christ.  We have been shown the deep, unconditional, unrelenting, and sacrificial love of God through the death of Jesus Christ for our redemption.  What implications does this have for us as followers of Christ?  What is our role in restoring shalom?  We need to fight to build for God’s kingdom, allow ourselves to be used by God to be a blessing to others, and live as ambassadors for Christ with the message of reconciliation (2 Cor. 5:18-20).  “If you spend yourself in behalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed, then your light will rise in the darkness, and your night will become like the noonday (Isaiah 58:10).”  Working to restore shalom – restore relationships – requires investment, spending ourselves for the sake of others, in service to God.  And in this intentional investment, we will come to realize everyone has something to offer and we can all unite to build for the kingdom. 

What would it take for us to actually live differently?  How would this city look if we lived with more intention, working to build for the kingdom and restore shalom?  We all have different talents and different ways to reach the world.  And we have been called to declare the message of reconciliation as ambassadors of Christ.  So, how can we spend ourselves on behalf of others, be a blessing to this city, and glorify God?

 

 You can also find this post on the Women at Hope blog. 

Green!

I am often asked, "What is your third favorite holiday?"

And I immediately answer with St. Patrick's Day! 

[It's the one day of the year where I can pretend that I am Irish and green is my favorite color:)]

I didn't realize this until now, but I guess the main way that I chose to celebrate this year was by baking a lot of St. Patrick's Day themed things.

This weekend I made some mint-chocolate cupcakes:

I recruited my mom to make the dark chocolate cupcakes, which I filled with chocolate mint ganache.  And then I topped them with some homemade whipped cream, which had some mint flavoring and green food coloring (naturally)!  The critics (my mom and dad) have spoken and they decided that they were super great.  

 I also decided to make chewy chocolate cookies with crushed Andes' mints:

[I may or may not have set off the smoke alarms in my apartment in the process of making these..]

Of course, I take every excuse to make sugar cookie cutouts.  These are not super pretty - but they are fun and my fellow TA's that I made them for seemed to enjoy them:

Ignore this super horrible photo. 

You're probably thinking, "Wow, you have a lot of free time!"

This isn't true, but baking for friends is a stress-relieving activity, so I press on.

I apologize for this very inconsequential post about my minor obsession with St. Patrick's Day.

Stay tuned for my post on my Spring Break Trip with Hope Community Church.  It was a such a great week.  Ah!  Friends, God is so good - let's tell the world! 

Sabbath.

A few weeks ago, my roommate and I prayerfully entered into a fast.  This consisted of eating only fruits and vegetables for the week (the cool kids are calling this a Daniel fast - see Daniel 1).  We also chose to cut out Facebook for the week and I decided to make it into a full-blown 'friend fast'.  

That week was fantastic.  Beth and I talk about it frequently, we talk about what the fast taught us and the ways that God revealed Himself to us.  I cannot lie to you and tell you that the week was all rainbows and butterflies; there were times when we were annoyed, tired, and just wanted coffee or touch of salt on our asparagus.  But, the week was so, so amazing and those little frustrations were really petty and superficial.  

My favorite part about the fast was the amount of intentional time spent with my Father, which is why I also chose to partake in a 'friend fast'.  Prior to the fast, I realized that I found myself reaching out to others first.  It became apparent that seeking God, through prayer and His Word, became a second option.  To my disappointment, I was doing something that I hated and had encouraged my friends not to do.  Now to be clear, I love my friends and my family; I love community and value gospel friends in my life.  But, I would argue that God is present and eternal and desires for us to desire Him in our lives; I believe that we should bring our cares and worries before the Lord and lay them down at His feet.  I know this, I believe this, but I was not doing that. So, I took a little break from the world and I am so thankful.  

I found that prayer and being in the Word became more necessary.  Both had always been a part of my life, but when I took away people and my normal sources of energy, I was forced to rely on something bigger and greater than man.  When I was joyful or discontent, it did not matter - my heart and mind desired to be filled with God - exactly what was needed.  Mmm.  Amen.  

There are countless things that I learned during the fast (which may turn into blog topics in the future..), but one unmistakable lesson that I walk away with is realizing the beauty, blessing, and importance of constantly being in communion with God. I desire that all of the time.

This reminded me of something I thought a lot about this summer - the ten commandments.  [If I remember right, this was the theme of speaker at Camp Joy the week that I counseled this summer.  Unfortunately, I do not have the memory that I once had - oh, the joys of aging.]  But one thing that really made me think was the idea of observing the Sabbath day.  When I was younger, I just thought of it as an Old Testament practice - something old and outdated.  And then as I got older, I convinced myself that I was far too busy to take a whole day off to spend with God.  But now, I feel called to do this - to observe the Sabbath day.  My heart belongs to God and I fully desire to reserve the Sabbath for Him.  He has all of me the six other days of the week too, but I will cut away more of the crazy from my Sundays to glorify Him.  

I do not desire to become legalistic in this intentional observation.  I know that there is nothing that I can do to gain my salvation - my righteousness comes through faith in Jesus Christ (Romans 3:22).  My salvation is apart from the law; but we do not overthrow the law, we uphold it (Rom. 3:21, 31).  The law is not an annoying list of things we should not do, it makes us aware of our sin and ultimately our need for a Savior (Rom. 3:20).  And wow, do I need a Savior!  I know that I cannot maintain the law, but I strive to become like Jesus - to pursue holiness - because I want my life to glorify God.  I desire to glorify Him who saved my life.  

What do I hope to gain from this?  Primarily, I hope to strengthen my relationship with Christ.  I am looking forward to more time alone with God, seeking and pursuing Him.  I also plan on strengthening my relationships with others; I hope to get more involved in the lives of others and deepen connections I have made.  I wish to improve my time management so that I do not put myself in difficult situations regarding all of my commitments come Sunday.  And I hope to serve others and take care of myself in this time.  

[For in six days the LORD made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, but he rested on the seventh day. Therefore the LORD blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy. -Exodus 20:11]

Do I think God needed to rest on the seventh day?  No, I do not.  But He did and He made it holy.  I'm looking forward to taking a break from all of the craziness to pursue that holiness.  

Pruning.

I am currently doing a study of John and this week I have been focusing on John 15, specifically where Jesus says that He is the vine, the Father is the gardener, and we are the branches.

[“I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.

   “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.]

I have read this many times and have even led my campers in a devotional regarding this passage on several different occasions.  But, I have never before been so held up on the concept of God 'pruning' his disciples.  

When I think of what pruning means in the sense of a vine, it means cutting off the dead parts, the areas that are no longer yielding fruit, the areas that are consuming energy and resources but are ultimately not beneficial.  Pruning is a good thing; it improves the condition of the vine so that it may be the most productive.  

But what does this look like when I apply it to my life?

I think pruning in the Christian life guarantees pain.  

It means allowing God to remove the dead and decaying; it means change.  

Studying this passage again forces me to realize the many things that I am holding onto - fighting to hold onto.  There are parts of my life, my character, my goals, my desires that I find myself fearfully grasping onto as if surrendering to God would be an unwise response.

And if I prevent God from 'pruning', I must conclude that I am ultimately hurting the Kingdom and quenching the Spirit.  Because Jesus declared that pruning is necessary to producing more fruit.  I believe that we have been called to be disciples - to do work for the Kingdom.  I desire to help people learn about the greatest thing to ever happen to me.  

And for God to be most glorified, I need to remain in Him and fight for Him.

I desire so much for the sum of my life to declare the work of God.

I long that the more people get to know me, the less of me they will see.

I want Him to increase, but I must decrease.  

So, if cutting away the things that are preventing me from glorifying my Father's name is what is required of me, then I long to be tended by the Gardener.  

Father, remove that which prevents me from bearing fruit.  Continue to cut away until all that remains is You.  Refine me and, though pain and suffering may come, I will still praise Your name.  

Wild.

This past weekend, I was fortunate enough to go home for a few days.  It was awesome.  And exactly what I needed.  You see, I love the city, the life I have here, all of my friends, my school, my church, and everything I fill my planner with.  But, there are times when all I need is a clear sky full of stars, the quiet of my small hometown, my own bed, and my family to get me back on track.  

This past weekend was a good way to clear my head and refocus.  God has been teaching a lot lately - a lot about my desires and His will for my life.  So, I have taken the time to hash through a lot of what has been distracting me and consuming my thoughts.  And one lesson that I am constantly reminded of is how good my God is, His constant presence, and His unfailing love.  

Amen.

Another thing I have been reminded of is the blessing of family.  You may not know this, but I am one of five - right in the middle.  I have two older brothers and a younger brother and sister.  Growing up in a family of seven is crazy, I can assure you of this (and my parents would as well).  But, I would not change a thing.  However, back in the day of just four kids, I thought I had a rough life.  I was the only girl stuck with three crazy brothers - how terrible.  And I was convinced that this must change.  After many tearful pleas, my mom would faithfully tell me to pray that God would bless us with a baby girl.  Fourteen years ago, my Betsy came into this world and changed my life.  

The whole story as told by the eight-year old version of myself is documented below.  

Please note a few things:

1)  Punctuation must have a been a new concept to me.

2)  My math prowess was evident at a young age. 

3)  I think I was the last one to know that my mom was pregnant.

4)  The tidbit about pop and cookies is necessary to fully understand the situation.

5)  When Bets and I had our dark years, I used to blame myself for praying her into existence.  So sorry. 

My sister is now a fourteen year old force.  And even though she is taller and stronger than I am, I still see her as this baby that came into the world to complete our group of five.  I am so thankful - for her and all of my family.  

Betsers, I'm so proud of the person that you are growing into.  You will do great things - I have no doubt.  I am so blessed to call you mine.  

You are kind of wild, but I still love you. 

Consequences.

When I look back on my life, I often think of it as pretty squeaky clean.  I did the 'good' and stayed away from the 'bad'.  Outwardly, I think I had it all together - I was living like you would expect a good, Christian kid to live.  

But if you knew the condition of my heart, you would understand my depravity and need for a Savior.  You would finally see what I had done to drive a wedge between God and me; you would see the gory, graphic details of my life.  You would be disgusted.  Because I am a sinner.

Because of this, because of how I saw myself - the glory of the cross was a hard thing for me to grasp.  Logically, I understood my salvation.  I could read Romans and land on the fact that I was a sinner, that I fell short of the glory of God, and that I needed Jesus.  I trust the authority of the Word of God and so, of course, I believed all of this.

But did I ever understand the magnitude of my sin?  Did I ever look at my life, my sin and then fall before the cross and praise God for the amazing things He has done for me?  Did the fact that my Jesus loved me so much to die a horrible death upon the cross drive me to constant worship?

Honestly, no.  No. 

The image that I had of the glory of the cross was greatly obstructed.  

But, the way the cross looked changed incredibly when my brother passed away.  Before that, death was distant.  But not anymore.  

There is so much finality in death - there is nothing we can do to reverse it.  I cannot describe to you what this means in my life in relation to my brother.  There is not a day that goes by that I do not wish that I could rewind the situation - that I could change the unchangeable.  The death of my brother did many things to me and most of them are negative.  But if there was to be any good to come out of that situation, it was a new understanding of the cross and our great need for a Savior.

Losing Alex made me look at life and death in a completely different light.

Life had new meaning.

The death of Jesus Christ had greater implications.

And the weight of everything intensified.  

As I daily realize the finality of Alex's death, I constantly come to a greater understanding of the beauty of the work that Jesus did on the cross.  With the death of Christ, He defeated death and the devil.  There was finality - He broke the power of death - the power of the devil (Hebrews 2:14).   And with His resurrection, we have hope that we too may be raised from the dead.

[Or don’t you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life.

 For if we have been united with him in a death like his, we will certainly also be united with him in a resurrection like his. For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body ruled by sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin— because anyone who has died has been set free from sin.

 Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him. For we know that since Christ was raised from the dead, he cannot die again; death no longer has mastery over him. The death he died, he died to sin once for all; but the life he lives, he lives to God.

 In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus. Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires. Do not offer any part of yourself to sin as an instrument of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer every part of yourself to him as an instrument of righteousness. For sin shall no longer be your master, because you are not under the law, but under grace. Romans 6:3-14]

The death of Jesus was more than just a dramatic end to His earthly life - it meant victory over death and the devil, it paid for my salvation, and guaranteed my life in Him.  

I know death.  

I feel it's consequences every single day.

My heart breaks without Alex here with me.

But on the other side of that, I rest in knowing that Jesus Christ came that we may be set free from the confines of death and live a new life with Him, alive with Him.
The fact that Jesus died for my sins is an incredible, incredible thing - may I daily live in response to that! 

Hallelujah, what a Savior!