Tomorrow.

Yesterday.

"You shall not go out with haste,...for the Lord will go before you, and the God of Israel will be your rear guard."  -Isaiah 52:12

Security from Yesterday. “. . . God requires an account of what is past” (Ecclesiastes 3:15). At the end of the year we turn with eagerness to all that God has for the future, and yet anxiety is apt to arise when we remember our yesterdays. Our present enjoyment of God’s grace tends to be lessened by the memory of yesterday’s sins and blunders. But God is the God of our yesterdays, and He allows the memory of them to turn the past into a ministry of spiritual growth for our future. God reminds us of the past to protect us from a very shallow security in the present.

Security for Tomorrow. “. . . the Lord will go before you . . . .” This is a gracious revelation— that God will send His forces out where we have failed to do so. He will keep watch so that we will not be tripped up again by the same failures, as would undoubtedly happen if He were not our “rear guard.” And God’s hand reaches back to the past, settling all the claims against our conscience.

Security for Today. “You shall not go out with haste . . . .” As we go forth into the coming year, let it not be in the haste of impetuous, forgetful delight, nor with the quickness of impulsive thoughtlessness. But let us go out with the patient power of knowing that the God of Israel will go before us. Our yesterdays hold broken and irreversible things for us. It is true that we have lost opportunities that will never return, but God can transform this destructive anxiety into a constructive thoughtfulness for the future. Let the past rest, but let it rest in the sweet embrace of Christ.

Leave the broken, irreversible past in His hands, and step out into the invincible future with Him.

-Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest - December 31st

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I read this from My Utmost for His Highest this morning and figured it would be an appropriate thing to share as we end one year and start the next.  Let God be your security from yesterday, for tomorrow, and for today and dive into 2012 with God, trusting completely in His power and His goodness.  Go do great things for God, with God.  

And have a happy new year, friends! 

2011.

Shall we take a look back on 2011?  Yes, yes we shall. 

I went on an epic road trip to Oregon with some of my best friends:

I was BAPTIZED:

I started nannying a fantastic five year-old child:

I went to a few Twins games:

I went to Wisconsin too many times:

I was able to go back to Camp Joy:

I went to the Minnesota State Fair for the first time:

I went to an apple orchard for the first time (and touched a goat for the first time!):

This was a good year.  In addition to the things mentioned above, I played softball for my church league this summer, my aunt and uncle blessed me with a place to live this summer, I began TAing for Human Physiology, I shadowed a bunch of physicians, I went to Hope Spring Retreat and Slumber Party, I started volunteering in the emergency department of HCMC, I baked a whole bunch of things, I learned how to play disc golf (stretch), and other things that I have failed to document.

This time next year, I will be done taking the MCAT and applying for medical school, I will be waiting for interviews, and nearly done with my undergraduate degree.  

In 2012, I hope to give more and take less, volunteer more, read more, pray more, and try a bunch of new things. 

Mountains.

A friend gave me the book Mountains Beyond Mountains for Christmas and it captivated me.  It tells of an infectious disease doctor, Paul Farmer, who spends the majority of his time in Haiti fighting against all odds to provide basic health care to thousands of underserved people.  He also spends his time traveling the globe helping others to achieve the same goal that he set out with – curing infectious disease and bringing modern medicine to the ends of the earth.  Farmer’s whole story is amazing – from graduating with both an MD and PhD from Harvard while concurrently serving in Haiti to forming Partners in Health before he turned thirty.  But the two things that amaze me the most about Farmer are his humility and his deep love for all people.  For a man whose list of accomplishments is longer than I can imagine, he only sees what he has left to do, the people he has left to treat, and the problems he has left to solve – there are mountains beyond mountains.  His whole life is about others.  When Farmer looks at his patients, he sees an individual and their illness not their ability to pay or their social class.  His heart breaks so deeply for those who have nothing and need everything that he sacrifices so much of himself.  He is everything a physician should be but, above all else, he is compassionate and empathetic.

He is the kind of physician I want to be.

“The only real nation is humanity.” –Paul Farmer

Consider me inspired – just what I needed.

Excuses.

This morning I used my sister's science fair Christmas party as an excuse to make these cupcakes with my friend Lindsey and my sister.  

They are chocolate chip cupcakes filled with cookie dough topped with a chocolate chip cookie.  Over the top?  Most definitely.  Have I eaten a whole one?  No, but I have heard that they are delicious.  I will let the masses be the judge.

Today is also my first day of winter break MCAT studying.

Tension.

I had dinner tonight with a friend from high school and it was fantastic.

We briefly joked about the silly things we did when we were younger like "ding-dong-ditching" or making a band.  But the majority of our conversation was about what God has been doing in our lives, our churches, our purposes, the beauty of the cross, and Jesus.  

One of the main parts of the conversation was focused on sin in our lives and how to defeat it.

To me, this is what it boils down to - there is a tension.

Everyday we face a tension between surrendering to the flesh, ourselves and our worldly desires, or surrendering to God.  Do we choose to worship the man-made gods that consume our lives, be it school, work, success, approval, etc.?  Or do we constantly worship the only One ever worthy of all praise?  Do we let our desires reign in our lives and find satisfaction in fleeting things?  Or do we find all that we need in God who will always satisfy?  

It is a daily battle to defeat sin in your life, to serve God and not man.  

It is a constant tension.

[For I do not understand my own actions.  For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.  Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good.  So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me.  For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh.  For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out.  For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want to is what I keep on doing.  Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me.  So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand.  For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members.  Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?  Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! -Romans 8:15-25]

I am constantly reminded of this passage; Paul is laying out the struggle of the flesh in us and power that sin can have in our lives.  I am struck by this - "For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out."  I feel that.  I, alone, am powerless to the desires of my flesh, to the things of this world.  We need something more, something greater than ourselves.  We need to surrender.  He continues in chapter 8 - "You, however, are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if in fact the Spirit of God dwells in you.  But if Christ is in you, although the body is dead because of sin, the Spirit is life because of righteousness.  For if you live according to the flesh you will die, but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live. v. 9-10, 13"  

We cannot defeat sin; it is the Spirit in us that sets us free and gives us life.  Death is the inevitable outcome of the sin intertwined in all that we are - but, the beauty of Christ is the life that He gives.   

Obsessed.

So, it's official...cooking and baking are my latest obsessions.  

And this proves that, clearly. 

I figure that it is something fun to do when I am stressed and need a break, and it makes people happy.  So, I'm happy and the world is happy - perfect.  

And here is a cheesy picture of my new apron:

Don't judge :) 

Christmas.

As my family gathered in the living room this morning, I couldn't help but look around at my them and smile when I think about the people I have grown with.  And then I realized that Christmas is not what it used to be.  There used to be crazy anticipation the night before and then Josh and Alex would wake us up at six in the morning because our presents were waiting.  We used to play all day, like the one Christmas when we played hockey matches in our very small upstairs hallway or drove the big red car throughout the living room and the kitchen or when I made crazy concoctions with my Easy Bake Oven.  Christmases were more about the stuff and less about the people, but I think as we have matured, we have realized what we have with each other is far more important than any material thing.  

But, it is clear that there is something missing.  When my brother passed away, a part of each of us left with him.  Christmas will never be the same - our lives will never be the same.  Alex was something amazing; he was not perfect, but he was perfectly Alex.  And his life has inspired so much of what I have done and who I have become.  But as much as the loss of my brother hurts, Christmas is so beautiful because it is about the birth of a Savior who came to defeat death - death that we deserve because of the sin in our lives.  We have life because God sent His Son for us.  Praise the Lord for the gift of His Son, His life, death, and resurrection - and the gift of family, friends, health, and safety.  God is so good and we have much to be thankful for!

Merry Christmas, friends!  

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Alex missed a North Dakota Christmas one year as he was traveling throughout Australia, Fiji, New Zealand, and Thailand.  A photo from that trip..

..oh, Alex.. :)