Self-control.

In one of my classes last semester, a few of my classmates and I were talking about my road-rage issue.  We were all joking about it and then one of my classmates told me that I had self-control.  Profound.

Honestly, I never thought of that.  I always just blamed it on my personality and thought it was some inherent part of me that I could not change.  Even though, I wanted to change it - or at least I thought I did, I was convinced that it was something beyond my control.  But, all it took was my classmate telling me that I had self-control for me to actually realize that I do.  So, I've been working on it - every time I want to yell about traffic or the person that cut me off, I try to think, "No. You have self-control."  For me, it's road rage - for you, probably something different. 

My roommate and I were talking about this recently; she brought up an aspect of her "personality" that she thinks that she can't change.  To be honest, she can - she has self-control.  I could feel her trying to explain it away - claiming that maybe that can't be part of her.  But, we have the Fruits of the Spirit.  She has self-control; it is up to her to exercise it.  The part of her personality that she feels that she cannot change or will just have to deal with or ignore is significant, but it has no authority in her life.  The Spirit in her life is superior.  The Spirit in my life is superior.  

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law."

-Galatians 5:22-23

Spring Retreat!

So, this week has been crazier than most, but it is totally fine, because now the crazy is almost over and I will be heading off to my church's Spring Retreat soon!!


I think it is a much need getaway from the Cities and classes and research - it will be great.  I'm so excited to spend my entire weekend in fellowship with my church, praising the Lord, and having a great time - with no distractions.


Well, this post is going to be short because I have one more class for the day.
And then I'm off :) 


I'll let you know all about it next week.  

"But if we walk in the light, as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin."

-1 John 1:7

Talking.

I started this blog for several reasons, but it was primarily because I decided to start talking less and wanted an outlet of sorts - a place to hash out my thoughts.  I decided that in part because I think I talk too much, but also because I think people (myself included) listen too little.  

There have been several, unexpected I must admit, repercussions as a result of this conscious decision.  I won't elaborate on all of them, but I will briefly share a few.  One thing I have found is that when you decide to talk less, the words that you do choose to say become more important.  Maybe they are not more important to anyone else and maybe the words are not profound or deep, but they are important to you.  And that is very important.  And when you speak those words and they are ignored or uncared for - you hurt.  You feel silenced, even though you are not silenced, because you are, in fact, speaking.  

I have also found that people talk just to talk.  They search to say something new or provocative or interesting, but their search is not through their mind, it is through their words.

Talking just to talk cheapens the worth of the spoken word.

"You aren't learning anything when you're talking."

Lyndon B. Johnson

Please.

Tonight I volunteered in Team Center C, the pediatrics wing, of HCMC's Emergency Department.  Due to overflow in the other two centers, there were several patients admitted to Center C who were not children.  I was asked to help move one of these adult patients up to a new unit and on the way the patient, the HCA, and I were chatting about things.  The HCA asked me if I was pre-med - I said yes and so we talked about me becoming a doctor in a few years.  The patient didn't really say anything during this, but before I left, she looked up at me with tears in her eyes and said, "Please be compassionate towards your patients." 

This patient was in a lot of physical and emotional pain.  She was scared.  She was confused.  But, she was beautiful.  She told me something that no one has ever told me during this whole pre-med journey that I've been on. I told her that I would and I intend to stay true to that.  I pray that if I am blessed enough to become any type of doctor - I am primarily a compassionate one.

To the patient whose name I don't even know - thank you.

Young love.

A few weeks of every month I get the privilege of teaching Sunday school at Hope and it is definitely time that I cherish. I love working with kids and would be so blessed to be able to do that for the rest of my life - to me, combining medicine and working with children would be the perfect career.  The kids that I teach are amazing; they are so funny and creative and awesome that it makes teaching that much more enjoyable.  Normally, I leave with several stories about the funny things that they tell me or intense examples of their imaginations - but, unfortunately, I forget most of them.  This Sunday, however, I left with a precious story about two of my kids and am writing it down before I forget! 


Orison asked Isaac if they could play "hunters" and said that that is what they should become when they grow up.  Isaac replied with, "No, when I grow up I am going to marry Courtney."  I was totally shocked as were the rest of the kids, they all started laughing - except Courtney.  Isaac calmly asked everyone to stop laughing because he really was going to marry her.  At this time, I had to turn around because I too was laughing and didn't want to embarrass him.  During this, Courtney was still coloring, but her demeanor had changed.  She had the biggest smile and was starting to blush.  The look on her face was so precious - so much like a little girl in love.  Isaac repeated a few more times what he had planned and then one of the others kids asked how he knew. To this he responded, "I don't know.  I just know that I'm going to marry her, I'm going to marry Courtney."  And finally Courtney spoke up, "Guys, it's true - we're going to get married when we grow up."  


And ironically, Isaac's dad was preaching about love and marriage and relationships at the same time.


Ah, the things that kids come up with!  I love Sunday school. :) 

Coco.

While watching Conan last night, I came across this little gem.  He's been doing a video-blog series to appeal to his younger viewers; I think they are hilarious - partly because he is super funny and partly because I have a blog.  Anyways, this video may only be funny if you have seen Rebecca Black's video "Friday" - so, maybe go check that out before you watch this and then you can appreciate the video.

Enjoy.

And as a throwback photo that makes me smile -

Losing control.

I mentioned in a previous post that I was starting a 90 day study of Paul; I'm on day 71 and this study has been far more than I ever expected.  I assumed I would dig deep into my Bible and really figure out who this Paul guy was and hopefully learn a lot of Biblical history along the way.  I never thought that I would learn so much more about myself in the process.  The study is by Beth Moore who is great; when I was younger and still lived at home I did several of her studies with my mom and grandma and I loved what I understood.  It's kind of funny that I didn't expect this study to be so personally revealing because I know her work and how she writes and the type of questions she asks - but, maybe I was naive.

There was one question of hers that definitely stuck with me for awhile.  She asked, "Is insecurity holding you back from the ministry God has for you?"  I could barely finish the study because I just wanted to fall to my knees and cry out to my Lord, "YES, yes my personal fears and feelings of inadequacy are preventing me from being who You want me to be.  Yes."  

I know that I have been holding myself back from God's plans by getting in the way, by making my own plans and blocking out what should be my focus.  I've been so caught up in attaining occupational success because - even though that seems so far away - I know that I need to be preparing for that right now.  And I do believe that I am pursuing a career that God has planned for me, but I feel like I always try to take complete control of the situation rather than letting God dictate my life - the life that He has planned for me.  Lately, however, I feel like I've been losing control of the situations that I fought so hard to contain and it may be the most uncomfortable feeling.  And coupled with losing control, I have also been losing confidence, losing a sense of peace that I try to maintain.  This has become most evident in my classes and preparing for my future, but it has been in so many other parts of my life as well - living situation (future/current), friendships, brother stuff, and more. 

It goes without saying that this losing control thing was not in a good way - like in the way that I was surrendering control to God, but more in the way that I was seriously losing all control and feeling desolate.  But, I am changing that.  He is changing that.  

Back to Beth Moore's question - I do think that I am insecure.  But, the security that I seek is not in me or my abilities.  The security that I desire - that I have - is in my Maker, in what He has and will do for me, I place all my trust and confidence in Him.  So, I am losing control, I want to lose control, I want to lose me to my Savior.  Jesus, take me - I am Yours.  

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 "⁵ Those who live according to the flesh have their minds set on what the flesh desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. ⁶ The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace. ⁷ The mind governed by the flesh is hostile to God; it does not submit to God’s law, nor can it do so. ⁸ Those who are in the realm of the flesh cannot please God.

 ⁹ You, however, are not in the realm of the flesh but are in the realm of the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of God lives in you. And if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, they do not belong to Christ. ¹⁰ But if Christ is in you, then even though your body is subject to death because of sin, the Spirit gives life^[d] because of righteousness. ¹¹ And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies because of^[e] his Spirit who lives in you.

 ¹² Therefore, brothers and sisters, we have an obligation—but it is not to the flesh, to live according to it. ¹³ For if you live according to the flesh, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live.

 ¹⁴ For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God. ¹⁵ The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship.^[f] And by him we cry, “Abba,^[g] Father.” ¹⁶ The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. ¹⁷ Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory."

-Romans 8:5-16