Ayiti.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Love.

I've started reading a book by C.S. Lewis called The Four Loves.  I'm only thirty pages in and it's already made it pretty clear to me that I have a deep fear of love.  It scares me.  A lot.  

The love of God scares me in the way that I can't understand it.  It's a good kind of fear because on the other side of it there is the love of a Father.  Love that remains when I don't love Him back.  When I deny His name.  When I put another nail in the cross.  Love that gave up its life to pay my sin debt.  I can't even begin to comprehend how I am loved in that way.  But I know that I am and that drives me to my knees in thanksgiving.  

The love of my fellow man scares me in a different way.  It scares me because I don't always know how to love, because I don't always want to love.  And it scares me because I may not be loved back.  There is risk.  A prayer of my heart has long been for God to teach me how to love like He loves, to show the love that I have been shown.  I've learned that it takes so much more than just kindness and service - love does work on your pride, your patience, your goals.  It takes so much of you.  But, I've realized that it is a good kind of take.  It's good even when your love isn't returned.  It is good.  It's a response to the love of our Father. 

The other love I feel I must mention is the love that belongs to my future beloved.  I can't really sum up my fear in sentences or complete thoughts, but I have words:  doubt. shame. vulnerability. faith. trust. compromise.  There is so, so much fear in my heart regarding this love, but I am trusting the Lord.  

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"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: 
While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." 
[Rom. 5:8]

"Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends." 
[John 15:13]

"We love because he first loved us." 
[1 John 4:19] 

"Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 
‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’" 
 [Matthew 22:37-39]

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